Jokes

[tented]

An elder couple were sitting in their broken down car on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck.
The tow truck arrives and the driver walks up to the car as the old man who was driving, rolls down his window.
Driver: Hello folks. What seems to be the problem?
Elder lady: WHAT???
Elder man: Sorry my wife is hard of hearing.
Then he looks at his wife and yells out "HE ASKED WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS".
Elder lady: I think we ran out of gas.
Driver: No problem, I can tow you to the nearest gas station. It's only about 5 miles away.
Elder lady: WHAT???
Elder man: HE SAID HE WILL TOW US TO THE NEAREST GAS STATION.
Elder lady: Okay. Thank you.
As the driver was hooking up the car to the tow truck, he decided to make conversation.
Driver: So where are you folks from?
Elder lady: WHAT???
Elder man: HE ASKED WHERE WE'RE FROM.
Elder lady: Birmingham, Alabama.
Driver: Birmingham. I lived there many, many years ago. Met a woman who was probably the worst fuck of my life.
Elder Lady: WHAT???
Elder man: HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU.

 

[Federberg]

 

[tented]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

 

[britbox]

I was shocked to hear my dentist has been struck off the medical register for dealing in Class A drugs!

I've been using him for the last twenty years and had no idea he was a dentist!

 

[tented]

Two old Jewish men are walking past a church and the sign out front says:
CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND WE’LL GIVE YOU $10
"What do you think, should I give it a shot?" says the first man.
"Sure, all you’ve gotta do is say you've converted and the money's yours."
So the first guy goes in and comes out five minutes later.
"So did they give you the $10?"
"Is that all you people think about?"

 

[Kieran]

 

[Kieran]

 

[Federberg]

 

[Federberg]

 

[britbox]

 

[britbox]

A man boarded a plane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba!!..

 

[Murat B.]

He does have a point....

 

[britbox]